Tag Archives: Music

Why “Journey Back to Normal”

The Meaning Behind my Blog Name, I was also going to use this AMAZING photo as my “featured image” for this post… but I couldn’t find any picture of me really on a journey, so I was going to take one of my sisters (she is currently chaperoning a chef school trip in Peru) as we look enough alike – but thats just lying.  So instead, Here is a picture of a moose, clearly on a journey of some kind

As I discussed yesterday – I’ve apparently been blogging wrong, so I am now following a “your first 30 days” of blogging guide that I found on Pinterest (should I post a link? I never know what the copy write/sharing laws are for the internet and blogs and pinterest) so today, the meaning behind my blogs name.

As you can see, my blogs name is “Journey Back to Normal” although I’ve since thought I should change it to something like “finding my new normal” as I am not sure I will ever be what I was before migraines took over my life.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts – I used to be a star, at least I was the star of my life. I went out with friends all the time, I had multiple jobs, I played in different orchestras, I danced, I was a classroom music teacher, I was close(ish) with my family, and I had a wonderful relationship and I was happy almost all the time.

Then the migraines started.

Now they are the star of my life.

I rarely go out anymore and often have to leave early/suffer in pain when I do, even though I know they would hang out and do something quiet with me if I asked, I feel as though I’ve lost most of my friends because of this.

I hardly work these days – I tutor a few students, I hopefully just landed a supply teaching gig at a private school nearby, I also went back to school to become a paralegal, so that I could hopefully find a job working in a quiet(ish) setting in my own office.

I no longer make music (for me that’s a big blow) but I’ve found that the physical pressure from playing the oboe just caused me more pain, and while there are other things I have done/tried, I often get politely “asked to leave” because I don’t show the same commitment as the rest of the choir (sorry, I was recently asked to leave my shul’s choir because of my lack of commitment… because missing a few rehearsals due to extreme pain is showing a lack of commitment… I’m still bitter)

I used to dance around my house, dance with friends, play “Just Dance” and now – moving hurts.

My family, while wonderful, and my boyfriend, while amazing, have had to make so many sacrifices for me because of my migraines. They have had to stay up with me at the hospital, fill prescriptions late at night, listen to my crying and complaining, my sisters both have beautiful children, and I feel like they can’t rely on me to babysit (which I should see as a good thing – but I don’t) and my boyfriend doesn’t get to go out with me anymore. A few days a week he goes out with other friends and people, but I find I often can’t make dinner, or make it downstairs, forget about a date.

My Migraines had completely taken over my life. They caused me to have anxiety (How can I make plans/take a job/do anything if I could get a migraine, and then the worrying would cause a migraine, which would then cause more worrying, and you see where I am going with this) and the anxiety caused me to isolate myself from my friends, family, and the world… and I recently decided no more.

My Migraines may have taken over the last 10-11 years of my life, but now, I’m taking them back. I will try anything and everything to get my life back. To be able to join an orchestra, or dance around my house while I clean, to see my friends and babysit my nieces and nephews.

I will follow my doctors plan to the letter, and if that doesn’t work (because its been 8 years of me following my neurologist to the letter) maybe that will mean its time to find a new neurologist. I will finally read all the migraine books I’ve bought and see what they say. I will keep a detailed log of my migraines, how they progress, what possibly triggered them and what made them better so I know what to do in the future.

I apologize about my rant “Journey back to normal” Its me. Taking my life back from my migraines, and bringing you all along for the ride.

 

Along with the moose, I’ve decided to share with you some of my own Journeys that I hope to be able to take again.

My sister and I at Canada’s Wonderland,IMG_0436

My other sister and I getting ready to do a 5K walk to raise money for Multiple Myeloma,IMG_0112

and Me – Doing the edge walk at the CN Tower.  All three things I had to miss this year because of migraines (although the edge walk was also due to funds)

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In other news – last night I FINALLY started to feel better. I don’t know if it was the Celfay, the lavender, the peppermint, the heat, the cool, the constant eating or the changing or my medication (I used to take 1200mg of gabapentin around dinner time, now I take 300mg 4x a day… and 200mg of Celebrex 2x a day (at least for the next few days)) but it was great. Mitch and I ate dinner together (I ate gluten… possible reason why I feel the way I do today… guess I should add it to my migraine tracker) and we watched like 10 episodes of some Netflix show (Big Mouth… if you are into dirty humor I highly recommend it. At the same time, as a teacher – part of me thinks that all students should watch this show when learning about puberty, its probably much more effective to watch the “hormone monster” make someone do something, than listen to their teachers talk about hormones.

We had a great time last night. Then we went to bed.

This morning I woke up with a migraine. I ate some protein right away and took my meds. I am now only allowed to take my triptan 2x a week, and I’ve used that up, so I couldn’t take that. I went downstairs and made myself eggs (more protein) and had a coffee (sometimes caffeine helps) and drank a bunch of water (dehydration à possible migraine trigger) but still nothing. So I went and I took an Epsom Salt bath, with Eucalyptus, then after that I put a Koool Patches on my head and lavender essential oils on my temples, behind my ears and neck and on my wrists and started to write this post. Which has apparently become a novel.

I also finally started reading one of the Migraine books I’ve bought (after reading yesterdays post, my boyfriend told me I wasn’t allowed to buy anymore migraine books unless I was going to read them) “The Migraine Miracle” by Josh Turknett, MD When I finish it I think I will write a review and make a “book review” section of my blog. Maybe even a “here’s me following so-and-so’s plan” section. So far I’m a fan of the book. But mostly because he calls a migraine “The Beast” and the cover is green.

Anyways, I’m off for now – going to continue reading my book and see what else might help my migraine… It most certainly will not be me going to see Bat out of Hell the meatloaf musical with my boyfriend and his parents tonight. But that is what I will be doing

Tomorrows episode of my blog will apparently be about “my earliest memory” which if I recall correctly, will have most of you wondering why I wasn’t in therapy before suffering with anxiety.

 

 

 

 

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20 Facts About Me

So apparently I have been doing the whole “blog” thing wrong. Everything is supposed to be linked together (insta, twitter, Google+ (who has ever heard of that?) and then posts done in a specific order… at least as far as Pinterest is concerned.

So looking at the article I am reading right now, my first post was supposed to be an introduction post – which you can find here The Start of a Journey. My next post should be 20 facts about me. I guess to give you all more of an idea of who I am, and about me so you are more interested in my wonderful blog.

Some of my facts will be from before I started my migraines, some after.

  1. Until I was in 2nd year university I was almost never sick
  2. I hold grudges against people who forget my birthday
  3. As a kid, I would always be reading, even as I walked home from school – I wouldn’t even notice my dad following me in his car as he drove home from work.
  4. When I was in the 10th grade and agreed to switch from clarinet to oboe, in my mind, an oboe was a bassoon and I was too embarrassed to say anything.
  5. I am a “whoops” baby (My mom says surprise, my older siblings say huge mistake)
  6. Since being diagnosed with migraines I have bought almost every book I could find on the subject, and read none of them
  7. I will re-read the same books over and over again, rather than read new books
  8. Gilmore Girls is my favorite show (although I was not a fan of the Netflix special)
  9. I have played at Carnegie Hall twice (on oboe)
  10. Pride and Prejudice (the BBC version with Colin Firth) is possibly my favorite movie ever
  11. I asked my boyfriend to watch all the Harry Potter with me as a birthday present (save him some money) à he preferred to hire cleaning people for our house.
  12. I have never seen a single starwars movie, but I have seen spaceballs several times
  13. I have an irrational fear of tomato and tomato based products
  14. I have an overactive imagination and am convinced I will win the lottery one day
  15. Every year I re-read the Anne of Green Gables books
  16. I prefer salty snacks over sweet snacks
  17. I hate vacuuming, and once went over a year without vacuuming my house
  18. I worry that my migraines have isolated me so much, that I have very few friends/family that will put up with me anymore
  19. I love having long hair, but I hate washing it, drying it, brushing it – I wish it was all just magically clean and done
  20. I often have fantasies of basically being Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and just being able to point and do things. These are active fantasies I have, and I am now in my 30’s.

 

So now that pinterst is satisfied with my “second post” ’20 facts about me’ I can tell you all, that from 3am until, well, forever I’ve had a migraine. I almost went to the hospital at 3am but it’s the worst place for me to be with a migraine so I sucked it up until my boyfriend woke up and I asked him his thoughts. Then I spoke to a cousin and used the internet to see what their thoughts were.. In the end I used my Ceflay device for well over an hour (way against their 20 min guidelines) took a bath of Epsom salts and Lavender, drenched myself in peppermint oil, put an icepack on my head and a heat pack on my neck and used my Essential Oil diffuser to make the room smell like lavender (apparently good for headaches and very soothing) I ended up taking a nap. I woke up feeling much better, but still – migraine. One day I won’t have a migraine anymore, and when that day comes, it’ll be better then my dream of winning the lottery

Since todays post talked about me pre-post migraines, my features image today is me, before migraines took over my life.  I was at a nightclub for a friends birthday/Halloween, way back in the days that I could go to nightclubs.  I was supposed to be a fairy, but some crazy person stole my wings… and then apparently I borrowed someones cowboy hat. Also – for those that care, the LV bag I am carrying was soooo fake, the strap was held to the purse with staples

Until next time (where according to pinterst I get to tell you about my Blog Name and the meaning behind it)