Tag Archives: chronic pain

Migraine Monday

Okay Readers Looks like today is another Migraine Monday!

That’s a thing right?? If not, I guess we can make it a thing. I’ve made it a thing. Because for me, its migraine Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday, and Friday, and Saturday, and Sunday.

So, a few posts back I promised a book review on The Migraine Miracle by Josh Turknett (Migraine Miracle.) I was thinking of doing a proper book review but I’m in too much pain for that… so here goes

  1. It’s called The Migraine Miracle A sugar-free, Gluten-free, Ancestral Diet to Reduce Inflammation and Relieve Your Headaches for Good… Keep that in mind
  2. The cover is kind of boring. Its green and white
  3. At first reading it – I’m kind of into it because he calls migraines beasts… which I’m into
  4. There is a lot of gloom and doom about how migraine sucks, and different patient stories
  5. After reading about 99 pages (actually exactly 118 pages) I realized that I didn’t need to read the book. The author spends 118 pages discussing migraine, and then you find his miracle cure…. Which is A sugar-free, Gluten-free, Ancestral Diet to Reduce Inflammation and Relieve Your Headaches for Good
  6. Did that sound familiar… it should. It was in the title of the book
  7. Then I got angry… I don’t have all the time in the world to read that his migraine cure is a diet.
  8. I threw the book
  9. It knocked some bottles off my dresser
  10. I still haven’t picked it back up. It’s still on my floor

So that was my book review. I hope you enjoyed.

I also promised a look at my workspace. But my work space is really just my laptop on my bed – because lets be honest, I don’t really leave my bed all that often, and no one needs to see a picture of my bed (you can actually see part of it in some pictures I’ve posted of Patches – my stuffed bear.)

I also said I’d show my migraine toolkit. But its half empty right now, so I’ll save that for another day.

I had a really shitty week. I guess all my weeks are shitty, but they are getting particularly shitty. I guess I wrote on Thursday about being Angry, so you know all that nonsense.

Friday, once again – I had a migraine. I ate, I yogaed, I meditated, I exercised, all while crying in pain by the way. And nothing helped. Then I had a really gross dinner. Apparently along with migraines I have high cholesterol, so instead of making pasta sauce with ground beef, I decided to try ground chicken. It was a bad plan. Chicken doesn’t make the same small chunks as ground beef, and it was just a bad texture and bad everything.

Saturday – wake up – migraine! YAY!!! So I went to work for a half hour (I sit with a boy while he practices piano. Correct his mistakes, that kind of thing. I’m not his teacher, I just sit with him while he practices) you know what is GREAT? When you have a migraine, and you have to listen to piano.

I don’t even remember the rest of what I did Saturday. I know I was in pain. I know it was becoming painfully obvious that I hadn’t showered since Wednesday morning and my hair was getting disgusting. But the pain just kind of blocks out everything else. Saturday could be the day that I decided to try Voltaren on my migraine. It didn’t work.

Then we get to Sunday. At this point my migraine hurts so much, that my entire head is sore and feels bruised. I wake up, and go to work for half an hour (again, to listen to a boy practice piano) On my way home I decide to pick up some bagels for brunch with my partner. I then forget that I decided to do that and drive home. As I was pulling into the driveway, I remembered, turned around and went to the bakery to buy bagels. I also parked like a dick. I got out of the car, noticed I was in 3 spaces, said out loud “wow I parked like a dick” and then continued on my way to the bakery, I had no caring. I then went home and my partner and I had bagels/lox/tuna for brunch, and I left him to watch football, and he left me to go upstairs and cry like a baby because my head hurt.

I find that my migraines get pressure-ey. Like there is a giant build up of pressure in my head, and if I just drilled a hole in the side of my head/my temple, and relieved the pressure, everything would be fine. But apparently that isn’t a thing that happens.

Today I have to leave my house and deal with unknowns. That’s where I don’t know how I’m going to react migraine wise. I have to go grocery shopping, and the grocery store sucks. I have to take my partners car for an oil change and to have his tires changed, and I don’t know how I’ll react there. I have to go to the drycleaners, which will be fast, but suck. I also have to go to the health food store and see if they have chemical free/scent free shampoo. The mother of one of the kids I tutor is a doctor who deals with illnesses that stem from toxins, and shes told me to make sure there are no chemicals of any kind in my house or on my body. So I’ve decided to start one step at a time, and find a new shampoo/conditioner.   Because my dream is that I try new shampoo and conditioner and my migraines just go away.

I did shower today… which is good. It hasn’t been a week since my last shower so I guess that’s a win. And I’m doing some laundry. I try to do something productive every day, and some days that’s just the laundry and a shower. Today it’ll be a laundry, shower, shopping, tire/oil change, dry cleaners, and I work for an hour and a half today. 30 min of listening to a kid practice piano, and an hour of tutoring.

Anyways, I’m having extreme anxiety about leaving my house with a migraine… as I type this my hands are shaking. It has actually been quite difficult to type up this post. And I’m not really sure what this post is about. I guess just my life with my migraine, and nothing really. Sorry if you got all the way to the end and were disappointed. To make up for it, I’ll make the picture another one of my bear.. this time trying to play a BINGO card.

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Anger

I’m angry.

Anyone else angry with their situation or journey?

Today mine has made me angry.

I do everything the doctors tell me to do (wake up at the same time, go to bed at the same time, don’t skip meals, don’t drink an excess of caffeine, eat protein immediately upon waking up, and take the hand full of pills I am required to take)

I practice mindfulness and I try to keep active and yet still, day after day, hour after hour… Migraine.

I think I might be growing though. Normally it makes me sad/anxious that I have this constant pain that makes it impossible or me to do anything… Today I am angry and furious that I can’t do anything. That its garbage day, but even with my sunglasses and hat its too bright outside for me to take out my garbage.

Today I am angry that once again, my house will remain a mess, because every time I move it feels like my head will explode, and I can’t have that pressure.

So today, I am angry. Anyone else got any feels?

(I couldn’t spend the time to find a picture of anger.. so instead I hope you enjoyed the picture of my teddy bear hoarding the chips)

Biting the Bullet:A visit to the hospital

Well I bit the bullet, I went to the hospital for my migraine yesterday. It was day 15 or 16 of pain, I had tried everything in my arsenal and I just did it. I went to my local hospital to try to get rid of the migraine… it went a little something like this…

First there was no parking, so I had to wait for someone to leave the lot before I went in (when you pay for parking by the hour, I’m not going to chance it that there is a spot that I can’t see and then be stuck driving around the lot) Then once you finally park and get into the building, there is something like a pre-triage/butcher take a number situation, and you get given one of these lovelies… IMG_4912 this is at around 1pm

Then, you wait for your number to be called to see the triage nurse. I waited about a half hour before my number was called, and I got to see a lovely nurse named John, who didn’t seem to understand why I was at the hospital for a “headache.” Every time I called it a migraine, he corrected me to headache. It was very frustrating, especially because he could see in my chart that I had a history of migraines, and used to be a frequent flyer of that hospital (and its not like I was there for the drugs… they don’t give you morphine for migraines, they give you anti-inflammatory drugs, and anti-nauseates). Once John finally realized that my migraines were serious enough to warrant a hospital visit (I had an icepack, a kool-patches, I was wearing my sun glasses and in tears every time the PA system went because it makes this horrible beeping sound first….so maybe that all clued him in. Oh, and I was in tears) He then gives me back my health card and ticket and asks me to wait to be registered.

I then wait alongside a wall, with a women vomiting non-stop, another women crying hysterically, a toddler running around asking everyone for high-fives, and an old man who keeps on checking out his pee catheter. When they finally call my number to registration it feels like it’s been hours, when really maybe 8-10 minutes went by. The registration nurse confirms my address, birthday and doctor, gives me a bracelet and has me sit down back along the wall of vomit/cry/disaster to be called into the green zone.

I then wait for about 2 hours to be called in. When I am called in, its not to see a doctor like I thought, but to see a nurse who again, asks me why I’m at the hospital for a headache, and then when she finally understands that its day 16 of a migraine, asks why I didn’t go in sooner. I don’t think she understood that the hospital is the worst place to be for a migraine. All she then says is “Go back out to the hall and wait to be called in to see a doctor” so I go back out to the hall, where I have now made friends with two sisters. They are in their 80’s and the older one is taking care of the younger one, who has Alzheimer’s. I watch their stuff when they go to the bathroom, and help them navigate their hospital visit. I am finally called in to see a doctor!

Or so I though. I was really called in to wait in a curtained off bed area to see a doctor. It’s now about 4pm, and I first arrived at the hospital at 1pm. The doctor finally comes in to see me. He understands right away that he doesn’t need to do tests on me because he’s taken the time to look at my chart and see that I get chronic migraines. He says “go over to the treatment area where you will get IV meds” I ask if there is a quieter place for this to happen and he just laughs and walks away.

The treatment area is a room full of people getting IV meds, needles, crying children, and people waiting to be reassessed by the doctor… and the people they brought with them. I wait about 30 min before a nurse finally calls me up to get my IV put in and get my meds. I get one (Dex) orally, another (Torodol) she shoots directly into my vein through the IV, and then in the mini bag I get a third medication (Maxeran) as well as a fluids bag. Within 30 min I am feeling better.

I wait until it is time to be re-assessed by the doctor who says I can go home once my IV is out. I then wait about 30 min for a nurse to be available to remove my IV. Then I’m on my way home. I was at the hospital from 1pm-about 6:30 and all I needed was a 30 second visit by a doctor, and 3 medications over 30 min to feel better. Yet because of our medical system I was there for several hours more then necessary.IMG_4913Waiting for my IV to be removed

I then we home, had dinner with my boyfriend, and went to bed. I was excited. My pain had gone down to almost a 2/10. If it stayed like that I would be the happiest person on earth.

I woke up in the morning with an 8/10 migraine. I could have gone back to the hospital but I just said fuck it. And stayed home.

Anyways, I know in my last post I promised you certain things like a book review (that I haven’t had a chance to finish reading), a review/photos of my emergency migraine toolkits, and a picture of my workspace. Unfortunately due to the constant pain of my migraine, those will not be happening today. I will give you a small review of the book “The Migraine Miracle”… you don’t need to read the book, the miracle diet is in the title. And I have shared some other goodies and pictures along the way.

In other news, I think I will do blog posts Thursdays and Mondays. And in-between if I feel like it. But for sure Thursdays and Mondays.

So see you Monday.

Status: Migraine

Dear Gentle Readers:

I need to apologize to you. The rules of blogs according to pinterest, is that I should have a schedule on which I base my blogs, daily, weekly, certain days, etc, and I have not been doing that. So for that, I am sorry.

Medically speaking I am not doing well. In my last post I talked about how I was trying different things for my migraines, and how I thought I was feeling better. That was wrong. I have been in status migraine for the last 15 days, which is very uncomfortable if you think about it. It makes it hard for me to eat, shower, sleep, think, really – do anything. (I feel like a smelly, gross person that is grouchy)

Today I was tutoring one of my students, and he looked at me and asked several times if I was okay because I looked sad.

That bothered me.

I’m not a sad person, I’m a happy smiling person. I remember being little at my parents cottage and the power went out, and I said as a joke “let there be light” and as I said it, the lights turned on, and I was smiling, and my dad said something along the lines of me making the room bright.

I’ve always thought of myself as someone who made the room/world a brighter place. Not because of my great beauty (which is generally mediocre beauty, but these days there is a serious lack of) but because of my bubbly personality. But now, I feel as though people don’t want to be around me.

I am constantly thinking about if I am talking to much about migraines, or anxiety, or if I’m not talking enough and the person I’m talking to thinks I’m rude. I’m wondering if the person who just asked me how I am really cares? Or if they just want to hear that I’m ”fine.” And the sad pity looks. Or the “does she really have a problem” look.

It bothers me sometimes. I’m aware that I don’t have cancer, and I’m not dying or anything (even if it feels that way sometimes) but people who say “just take a pill” or “yeah, I get headaches too” and they wonder why they can take a pill and go back to work, or go back to dancing at a wedding, meanwhile – I can’t.

I read up on Spoon Theory earlier and I wish everyone knew about it. Even though I look fine and healthy – I don’t have an infinite number of spoons. You never know what is going on with the people around you – even if you see them every day, there could be a reason for changing behaviours.

I will Say – I am very proud of myself, I recently had a friends wedding to go to, and even though I had panic attacks almost all day leading up to the wedding, I still showered and got dressed and went. I had a migraine going in, and I knew it was going to be crazy and there was going to be a lot of people there, but I still went. I took my own car, so that if I wanted to leave early, My partner could either come with me, or with one of our other friends – but I didn’t want them to have to leave early, or me to end up crying in the bathroom with a migraine. And the event wasn’t’ as bad as I thought it was going to be. (the picture at the top is me and my boyfriend. Right at the start of the night.  By the end I was a mess… but I made it there with a smile on my face.

They didn’t do dancing until after the speeches (like 10000 speeches each 1000000 min long) and dinner… so I was able to talk to my friends a little, see the bride, take pictures to prove I was there. Then when the dancing started, I tried dancing a little and I was able to dance (well.. bop) for quite awhile before my migraine took me out of the game. I stayed at that wedding until almost 11pm. Which I realize isn’t that late. But considering I then spent the next day in utter agony (I used the spoons for that day, the next day, and a little bit of the day after) and these days I can’t even make it to games night, or dinner, or a birthday party if there are going to be more than 5 or so people there…. The wedding was important. I went, I had a good time, and I was in pain the whole time.

That’s something I working on now. Pain is my new normal. So even though I wake up, and I want to duck my head back under the covers and not wake up until they have found a cure for migraine, I have to get up and do things. And not just tidy my house and get ready to tutor. I have to do something interactive or out of my house. Its some kind of therapy called Acceptance and Commitment. It’s about accepting your life as it is, and committing to find a way to live the best life, even with whatever is happening to you. So I have accepted the fact that I may live every day in pain (well.. I’m working on accepting it… I’ve spent the last 10 years holding my breath for the migraines to stop… and now I can stop holding my breath.. because they won’t)

I’m really not sure what happened with this post… it took many a twist and turns. I guess I just wanted to let anyone reading out there.. that

  1. I didn’t abandon you
  2. It’s okay if you are unwell, and you don’t look it – own it!
  3. I’ve been in status migraine for 15 days, so I’ve been a crazy person in terms of my blog/twitter/instagram. (It almost sounds like something I should be proud of…. Status: migraine.)
  4. I’m proud of myself for going to my friends wedding and enjoying myself, and hopefully hiding my pain

I’m hoping to figure out a regular schedule for my posts. It’ll force me to actually get my shit together and write something, and it will have all you readers going “well…is she going to post??”

When I figure it out, I’ll post it.

Coming up next time

  1. A book review on “The Migraine Miracle”
  2. Perhaps a visit to my many different migraine emergency bag
  3. Possibly a picture of my workspace – because pinterest says that… and we all know how much I love to listen to pinterest