20 Facts About Me

So apparently I have been doing the whole “blog” thing wrong. Everything is supposed to be linked together (insta, twitter, Google+ (who has ever heard of that?) and then posts done in a specific order… at least as far as Pinterest is concerned.

So looking at the article I am reading right now, my first post was supposed to be an introduction post – which you can find here The Start of a Journey. My next post should be 20 facts about me. I guess to give you all more of an idea of who I am, and about me so you are more interested in my wonderful blog.

Some of my facts will be from before I started my migraines, some after.

  1. Until I was in 2nd year university I was almost never sick
  2. I hold grudges against people who forget my birthday
  3. As a kid, I would always be reading, even as I walked home from school – I wouldn’t even notice my dad following me in his car as he drove home from work.
  4. When I was in the 10th grade and agreed to switch from clarinet to oboe, in my mind, an oboe was a bassoon and I was too embarrassed to say anything.
  5. I am a “whoops” baby (My mom says surprise, my older siblings say huge mistake)
  6. Since being diagnosed with migraines I have bought almost every book I could find on the subject, and read none of them
  7. I will re-read the same books over and over again, rather than read new books
  8. Gilmore Girls is my favorite show (although I was not a fan of the Netflix special)
  9. I have played at Carnegie Hall twice (on oboe)
  10. Pride and Prejudice (the BBC version with Colin Firth) is possibly my favorite movie ever
  11. I asked my boyfriend to watch all the Harry Potter with me as a birthday present (save him some money) à he preferred to hire cleaning people for our house.
  12. I have never seen a single starwars movie, but I have seen spaceballs several times
  13. I have an irrational fear of tomato and tomato based products
  14. I have an overactive imagination and am convinced I will win the lottery one day
  15. Every year I re-read the Anne of Green Gables books
  16. I prefer salty snacks over sweet snacks
  17. I hate vacuuming, and once went over a year without vacuuming my house
  18. I worry that my migraines have isolated me so much, that I have very few friends/family that will put up with me anymore
  19. I love having long hair, but I hate washing it, drying it, brushing it – I wish it was all just magically clean and done
  20. I often have fantasies of basically being Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and just being able to point and do things. These are active fantasies I have, and I am now in my 30’s.

 

So now that pinterst is satisfied with my “second post” ’20 facts about me’ I can tell you all, that from 3am until, well, forever I’ve had a migraine. I almost went to the hospital at 3am but it’s the worst place for me to be with a migraine so I sucked it up until my boyfriend woke up and I asked him his thoughts. Then I spoke to a cousin and used the internet to see what their thoughts were.. In the end I used my Ceflay device for well over an hour (way against their 20 min guidelines) took a bath of Epsom salts and Lavender, drenched myself in peppermint oil, put an icepack on my head and a heat pack on my neck and used my Essential Oil diffuser to make the room smell like lavender (apparently good for headaches and very soothing) I ended up taking a nap. I woke up feeling much better, but still – migraine. One day I won’t have a migraine anymore, and when that day comes, it’ll be better then my dream of winning the lottery

Since todays post talked about me pre-post migraines, my features image today is me, before migraines took over my life.  I was at a nightclub for a friends birthday/Halloween, way back in the days that I could go to nightclubs.  I was supposed to be a fairy, but some crazy person stole my wings… and then apparently I borrowed someones cowboy hat. Also – for those that care, the LV bag I am carrying was soooo fake, the strap was held to the purse with staples

Until next time (where according to pinterst I get to tell you about my Blog Name and the meaning behind it)

 

 

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The Day it all changed

I wonder how many people can remember the exact moment their life changed… Everyone has changes that they go through, puberty, first death in a family, moving out, etc… but I’m talking about the big one. The change that made them who they are today.

For me, it’s easy. It was a Thursday night in my third year of university. I worked for my school as a “peer health educator” it was a great job, I got paid to go to pub night, hang out with my friends, and give out condoms, candy, dental dams, water, and at the same time, when we were at our booth – provide a well lit place for people to wait for a ride, a phone for people to use, and we would make games and activities for everyone to do to show what drinking really does to you. It was possibly one of my favorite jobs ever. On the night this picture was taken though – that’s the night everything changed.

I had always been a healthy kid – with the exception of strep every summer from summer camp, and the “stomach flu” whenever I didn’t do my homework – I was healthy. The night in question was as I said, a Thursday night. It was one of the nights where instead of staying at our booth the whole night, the people I worked with and I decided to head down into the pub, and pass out condoms, candy, water, flashlights, and whistles there. After about 15-20 min of being at the pub I got a really bad headache. I remember telling my co-workers that I had to leave work early because my head hurt, and they joked that I was really going to my boyfriends. I didn’t. I went home, took two Advil and went to bed.

When I woke up Friday morning to get ready for class, I had to call my dad to help me. My head hurt so much I couldn’t move without causing extreme pain. That day was about 11 years ago.

Not much has changed since then, I still have the migraines (and while I have a boyfriend to help me, I still often call my dad for help) Although I no longer work for the university, and I no longer dare go into pubs when they are playing loud music.

That’s the day my life changed, and turned me into who I am now. A semi-hermit, pessimistic “sick person”

Tomorrow I go for my third nerve block (My doctor does them in 6 weeks, the first week is steroid and something similar to lydiocane, the next 5 weeks are just the lydocane type drug) then I have to go to a school I interviewed at today to do a mock lesson. I was super excited that someone might want to hire me again, until I realized it was for music. But fingers crossed that the nerve block works, and I have no problem with my mock lessons and I get the job.

Happy Monday Everyone.

Migraine

Between the poem and the art – so much resonates with me, I had to share

writing in north norfolk

lights start to crackle
from a pinpointed dull ache
fractal explosions

Kim M. Russell, 2017

Fractal Art created by PSSolutions, found by Chèvrefeuille on Pixabay

My response to Carpe Diem #1237 Fractal Art (by PSSolutions)

Chèvrefeuille explains fractal art as a form of algorithmic art created by calculating fractal objects and representing the calculation results as still images, animations, and media. He says it is a genre of computer art and digital art and that the mathematical beauty of fractals lies at the intersection of generative art and computer art, which combines them to produce a type of abstract art, usually created indirectly with the assistance of fractal-generating software.

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My old “Normal”

I guess in order for you to see how my “normal” disintegrated, you need to know what my normal was.

10-12 years ago…. I was the baby of the family (youngest of four). I had these amazing parents (I still have them… they are awesome) who despite statistics, are still married, and happily so, after over forty years. I was a music major in University, and the principal oboist for 3 different orchestras, 2 through school, and one is one of the premiere youth orchestras in Ontario. I had performed at Carnegie Hall, and other major venues (mostly around Toronto). I had an amazing boyfriend (still do) and I worked for my University as a peer health educator (handing out condoms, candy, water, etc for free at pub nights) and I also worked for a music store. I was a mostly A student, a Kick Ass Auntie, a quirky friend with a very active social life, until everything changed.

I find depending on who you talk to, they will either tell you the exact moment their life took a turn, or they will say it was a gradual change. For me – I can tell you the exact moment my life changed… But that is a story that will wait for another day.

My “magic handful” (AKA gazillions of pills) await me

The Start of a Journey

If you had asked me 10 years ago to describe myself I would have used words like amazing, aspiring musician, aspiring teacher, outgoing, creative, energetic, happy, loving and words similar to those.

 

If you ask me today to describe myself I would use words like angry, frustrated, hopeless, depressed, anxious, sad, and sick.

 

Sick

 

That’s a big one for me, that’s a new one for me. I’m not sick like the flu or cancer (because those are so similar…) I have an invisible disease – Migraines.

 

For the last 10-11 years migraines and headaches and pain have dictated my life.   They dictate where I go, when I go somewhere – if I even go somewhere, how I respond and react to different scenarios, who I see, even if I shower in the morning.

 

Migraines have brought on other problems for me, depression, anxiety, weight gain, pill dependency, the loss of many friends, the loss of a social life, and the loss of patience.

 

Earlier this year my eldest sister made a comment about me being “sick” and the context of the conversation upset me, so I brought it up with my therapist. She asked “do you see yourself as sick” and I had to think about it – what is sick? And in the end I agreed with my sister, I am sick. I am a sick person. It took me over 10 years to define myself as a “person who is sick.” So I’ve decided – no more.

 

This is going to be my journey back to what my normal was, when I could go shopping, or to a movie, or just hang out with friends. It’s going to delve into my past, and hopefully make my future a brighter one.

 

 

Wish me luck,